Master of the White House
January 4, 2020
Scene: Shortly after the inauguration in 2017, Drumpf in the White House with his cabal of swamp monsters
DRUMPF
Welcome my friends. Prepare for some mirth.
And meet the best world leader on earth.
As for the rest, all of `em weak
Doing their best and helping the meek.
Seldom do you see
Terrific men like me
A man with no real plan
Other than to be…
Master of the house
Doling out fake news
Ready to stir hatred toward the blacks and Jews
Tweets an outright lie
About a wire tap(p)
Conservatives don’t care that I am full of crap
Glad to do the rich some favors
Doesn’t cost me to be nice
It won’t come from my pocket
Taxpayers will pay the total price
Master of the house
Keeper of the swamp
Ready to keep thieving with great skill and pomp
(Puts arms around Steven Mnuchin, Treasury Secretary nominee)
Mr. Goldman Sachs, I owe him my thanks
He’s sure to line our pockets when the market tanks
Everybody loves a winner
Everybody’s favorite star
And when they lose their houses
Believe me! They’ll still want me to go far!
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Master of the house, quick to bleed ya dry
Never wants the masses to see eye to eye
Stealing from the poor, giving to the rich
To all the complainers he says “Life’s a bitch!”
Already taking bribes from foreigners
Already putting his needs first
DRUMPF
But this is the beginning
I can find more ways to line my purse!
(Puts arms around Scott Pruitt, EPA nominee)
Enter my friend, lay down your load
It’s cold outside, or so I’ve been told
Since you believe global warming’s a hoax
Head my EPA, this isn’t a joke
Let the drillers drill
Let the frackers frack
Pollution fills our tills
Let the air turn black!
Pollute the poor folks air! Pollute their water too!
Makes for better business both for me and you
Let them work in mines, breathing nasty air
And when they’re sick with cancer they won’t have healthcare.
PAUL RYAN
Hooray!!!
DRUMPF
Middle class are never welcome
To this rich man’s club we share
Now that we’re in power we can be as greedy as we dare
Bleed the poor folks dry!
Who cares if they cry?
Rich folk won’t pay taxes until pigs can fly!
Snatch their safety nets
Gut their Medicaid
Just give `em bans of Muslims and a nice ICE raid!
When it comes to fleecing workers
There are lots of tricks to use
Just tweet a distraction
End any real action
Jesus! How we win when workers lose!
MELANIA
I used to dream success would be all mine.
I never thought I’d be an old man’s concubine
Master of the house. Takes his small blue pill.
If not for furs and diamonds it would make me ill
It seems to make him proud that he can claim me as his mate
He should know I fake my climax, but he insists he’s great
What a cruel trick of fortune! Making me sell body and soul!
God knows it’s been hellish sleeping with this selfish little troll!
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Master of the house
MELANIA
Master and a czar
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Plunderer, philanderer
MELANIA
Don’t make me barf!
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Taking from the poor
To make the US great
MELANIA
Realize that the only thing he spreads is hate
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Everybody bless our new lord
Everybody bless his spouse
Everybody’s glass to lips
MELANIA
Toast to the apocalypse!
SWAMP MONSTER CHORUS
Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!
