Cheat Sheet for Right-Wing Trolls
June 5, 2022
Are you a proud Patriot whose greatest joy in life is being an insufferable troll who vigilantly monitors her liberal-leaning friends’ Facebook pages to make sure no liberal comment goes un-owned? Are you on a personal crusade to see that your right-wing opinion drowns out your liberal friends’ voices on their own personal pages? If so, you might understandably worry that a liberal comment might slip by uncorrected.
We understand. We know that trolling can be time-consuming. That’s why we’ve come up with a more efficient way for you to bludgeon your friends and friends-of-friends with your self-declared moral superiority! When you first see a liberal friend express an opinion on her own page that’s different than your own, all you have to do is preemptively rebut all liberal comments with this ready-made comment list. The beauty of this is, you can post this once, and then walk away! Well, at least for a little while…considering that you have a pathological need to always have the last word, you’ll need to come back after a day or two when the on-line conversation has ended of its own volition so you can post these comments once again.
But in the meantime, instead of spending hours and hours bullying your supposed friends on their pages, you can have more time to use the internet as it was intended—to harass random anonymous strangers on Twitter to your little heart’s content! Or, if you feel so inclined, you could go out an get a life instead! Either way, you’ll be covered. The best thing is, this list of comments is applicable to rebut ANY topic since you never limit yourself to the original topic in the first place!
Just cut and paste this link containing all these pre-written comments in the comment thread, and go out and enjoy your day!
MAGA 2024! I can’t wait until the Trump train takes our country back to how it was in the 1950s when we didn’t have the woke mob forcing us to accept things we don’t like, like having people more diverse than the Cleavers and Ozzie and Harriet on TV. I mean, wasn’t Desi Arnaz enough? Back then you didn’t have to worry about offending snowflakes if you happened to say things that were “politically incorrect!”
No, it’s not Eisenhower-era socialism that made the 1950s great. You lefty commies are kidding yourselves if you think that going back to having strong unions, regulations on big businesses, appropriate taxes for the rich, and investments in infrastructure will help the middle class, when in reality it’s just going to go straight to the lazy welfare queen.
You think that makes me sound racist? Nice try! If you knew me, you would know how stupid that sounds. I’ll have you know, I have a black friend.*
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. You can respond to this accusation by posting article after article demonstrating how this QAnon hellscape is not a real thing in the real world, but joke’s on you, because if your source is more liberal than the Daily Stormer, there’s no way I’m going to even consider reading it! LOL! (Part 1) You think it’s perfectly fine for irresponsible sluts who are 8-months pregnant to just have their healthy babies killed inside their wombs on a whim!!!
I, for one, don’t want BLM and Antifa to loot and riot and burn our cities to the ground, like you apparently do. I don’t care that you’ve posted multiple links stating that 93% of BLM protests were completely peaceful, I’m going to insist that ALL protests for causes I don’t like are violent riots that should be forcefully squashed by heavily armed self-appointed right-wing vigilantes. And you’re kidding yourself if you think I’ll shut up about this point.
tHe UNiTEd sTAtES is a RePUbLic, not a dEmoCrACy!!!
Why would you think those kids were killed in their classroom because of an AR-15? Think harder. Video games! Social media! Being raised by single parents! Too many doors! I mean, do you REALLY think that tragedy would’ve happened If the Mars Corporation didn’t cater to the woke mob so much and make the green M&M less sexy? But you still want to blame the patriotic NRA instead. Why do you liberals always get so obsessed with taking away the guns that mass murderers use to kill children that you can’t focus on solving the real issues? Unreal.
What if I say I identify as a rich person? Can I just move into someone’s mansion? LOL!
That’s just pathetic. Snopes? Really? I’m never going to believe that liberal propaganda site that uses research and facts that make it seem like my entire worldview is almost entirely based on things that are false. Sorry/not sorry.
I guess you just expect me to forget what the MSM did to that nice Catholic kid when he and his friends were in D.C.? May I remind you that after the liberal media so ruthlessly canceled that teenager just because he and his friends were getting in the face of that old American Indian, a longer version of the clip PROVED that there were some adults who were also acting poorly, so the Catholic kid was totally vindicated! And since that’s the only time additional fact-checking has somewhat proven that liberals were the ones who were outraged about something without having 100% of the facts, I’m going to keep bringing up the Catholic kid, over and over, no matter how irrelevant it is to the original post!
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 2) Democrats support the global pedophile cabal that keeps sex-slave children in the basements of pizza parlors. How can you support that??? Show me proof right now that this isn’t true! I’ll wait.
How do you know you’re not contributing to a pedophile ring? Do you know where every cent of the money you contribute to liberal causes goes? Do you have all the receipts? If you contributed to conservative charities like We Build the Wall or the Trump Foundation, you’d never have to worry about where your money was going.
If you don’t like the idea of living in the Christian autocracy that we patriots are trying to build here, go move to another country! People who don’t respect our Founding Fathers’ wishes for America don’t deserve to be here!
Yeah, but who was it who emancipated the slaves??? Hmmm…let me think…it was REPUBLICANS! The Democrats were FOR slavery! If you knew anything about history you would’ve known that. So obviously it’s still true in 2022 that the Republican agenda will help blacks and the Democratic agenda is racist, because nothing in this world could possibly have changed since the 1860s. Educate yourself. Seriously.
You want me to accept that trans people exist? Ok, groomer! LOL!
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 3) To you leftists who try to attack me, nice try. I realize you don’t care about murdering babies. YOU think it’s okay for women to have abortions AFTER the babies are born!
I’ll have you know that it’s not possible for me to be racist, because I begrudgingly accepted the black person who married into my family. I even have him over for dinner sometimes. Don’t you feel stupid now???*
That’s why we patriots need to fight the “woke mob.” Multiculturalism, diversity and anti-racism are destroying our country!
You liberals have no credibility. It’s unreal what the MSM did to that poor wealthy Catholic kid. I’m not bothered by you. I’m disgusted by you. Aim higher.
You’re trying to say you support the environment, but you don’t want to do anything about the Jewish space lasers starting the California wildfires. Nice try! You liberals think the smartest thing do do would be to ban cow farts. HA HA HA! And, no, I don’t actually have to read the Green New Deal—I’m just going to assume that banning cow farts is in there.
Why should a white child be forced to learn about slavery in history class? It’s unbelievable that liberals have the audacity to want to teach white kids that chattel slavery existed and was a bad thing. Stop trying to ram the woke agenda down our children’s throats!
wHaTAboUT vIoLEnCE iN cHiCAgO!?!!?!
Hunter Biden owns a laptop, but since the MSM is conveniently not focusing on that 24/7, I’m sure you don’t care.
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 4) Tell me why you think it’s okay to teach children about sodomy in kindergarten? Please. I’m waiting.
The founder of Planned Parenthood was a racist who believed in eugenics, so what does that make you if you support Planned Parenthood? Hmmmm??? We’ve already established that nothing changes over time, so your support of Planned Parenthood obviously means you want to stop blacks from reproducing. Nice.
bLAsToCYstS ArE pEEeOoPLe!!!!!!
Thank god I don’t live in a blue city! BLM and Antifa are turning blue cities into violent, crime-infested hellholes! I don’t care how many pictures you show me of people in Portland and NYC out enjoying brunch. Fox, OAN, and Newsmax keep showing me that same clip of the riots in the first days after the George Floyd video was made public, so I’m going to believe that’s how it is all the time, every day, until we have a strong president who will declare martial law on all protests!
Of course you posted a link from a liberal site. Typical sheeple, believing what the elites tell you to believe. If you were capable of independent thought, you’d open your mind and listen to leaders who speak for real hardworking Americans, like Donald Trump, Rupert Murdoch, and Tucker Swanson Carlson.
Unbelievable how you liberals dragged that Catholic kid through the mud, but he got the last laugh! LOL!
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 5) Why do you want to schools to teach children to HATE AMERICA! That’s a slap in the face to all proud veterans who died for this country. Do better!
No, we shouldn’t pay for liberal FREE STUFF like universal healthcare and daycare. If you had any morals at all, you’d realize that the most important thing to help the children in this country is to vigilantly monitor and control the clumps of post-coital residue in strangers’ uteruses, like I do. It’s disgusting that you can’t see that.
Whatabout when Killary and Sleepy Joe were pictured with Senator Byrd, who was a leader in the KKK? Hmmm??? And you want to accuse Trump of being racist? We know who the REAL racists are. I’m sorry, I just have to call out the hypocrisy. I don’t care if you say Byrd denounced his brief time in the KKK in the 1940s and then spent decades of his life redeeming himself by fighting for civil rights in the Senate. We’ve already established that political parties and organizations don’t change and evolve. Neither do people. I know I never will!
You liberals keep criticizing NRA-funded Republican representatives for giving thoughts and prayers after mass murders. Maybe if you let us put prayer back in school, those prayers would’ve worked and those people would be alive! But since you want to destroy religion you won’t even think about how much more effective that would be than making it more difficult for psychopaths to obtain military weapons!
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 6) So I guess you think that if a five-year-old boy starts playing with his sister’s dolls, his parents should just take him to get his penis chopped off, huh? The stupidity is just astounding!
Whatabout Killary’s deleted junk emails??? Hmmmm????
You want to make a hero out of a drug user like George Floyd? Why should his life matter? We all know that it’s the fentanyl that killed him. That nine-minute video of the law enforcement officer with his knee on Floyd’s neck is just showing the standard, compassionate procedure for treating a drug overdose. Don’t bother re-posting the video for me to watch again. Tucker Swanson Carlson told me all I need to know.
You don’t even care if rapists and drug dealers and sex traffickers flood into our great country from Mexico. No, please spare me your weak suggestions of high-tech satellite surveillance and drones to monitor vast stretches of the border—that just sounds like OPEN BORDERS to me! I know I’ll never feel safe from illegals when I go to sleep at night unless I can happily dream of a beautiful wall with corpses of desperate brown people piling up on the Mexican side.
Have I mentioned the Covington Catholic kid yet?
The fact that you went straight to the Nazi comparison says more about you than it does about me. You just have no concept of what patriotism is. I just want to ban books and erase gays and trans people because I love my country so much. I’m such a patriot that I spend hours and hours zealously monitoring the internet so I can squash even the slightest criticism of the militant Christian autocracy that will truly make America great again. But a socialist like you wouldn’t understand that, so you just go straight for the typical Nazi insult. LOL.
Sorry. I don’t want to be a minority in my own country. Even though I continue to insist that minority races have it MUCH BETTER than whites.
Why should MY tax dollars go to irresponsible whores so that they can feed the babies I forced them to have? They can just go beg on the street. Since I’m a good Christian person, I might even toss them a buck or two once in a while so I can feel a smug sense of superiority as I judge them for their poor choices.
MY Jesus tells me that the most important thing we can do as Christians is to fetishize the embryo—it’s right there in the bible! It’s right next to the chapter where Jesus praises lethal weapons—the more deadly, the better! You’d be so much better off if you learned more about Jesus!
Even though I’m the one who seems to have limitless free time to keep picking fights in the comment threads on my friend’s posts, if you’re a liberal you’re obviously the one who’s an unemployed drain on hardworking taxpayers, and you just want FREE STUFF!
I’M the one who follows the teachings of MLK Jr. No, I’m not appropriating and misinterpreting his message. When he gave his “I Have a Dream” speech, everyone knows he was declaring that racism was over, and that from that point on anyone who said there was still racism was just being prejudiced against whites. Stop embarrassing yourself.
Why should anyone have the right to offend MY religion by being gay or transgender? You think that kind of pervert should be allowed to violate my freedom like that by existing?
Oh, so I guess the guns kill people BY THEMSELVES?? LOL. If criminals and psychopaths want to commit murder, they can do it just as easily using a box of rocks. It would have the same exact body count. But the good guys still need to out-gun the bad guys—rocks won’t work for that—so everyone needs to be able to own high-capacity weapons of war. And there are no logical flaws whatsoever with that argument.
Why do you think ILLEGALS should replace REAL AMERICANS?
You just want the following grotesque thing to happen. No, it’s not an imaginary nightmare scenario. It’s totally real. (Part 7) Why do you support showing five-year-olds gay porn? Can you tell me that?
Now that I’ve already proven that it’s the woke mob, a.k.a. the anti-racist/anti-misogynist/anti-homophobia police who are the REAL Nazis, I’m going to educate you libs about the people who are REALLY destroying our fatherland—the cabal led by George Soros, the Rothschilds, communists, socialists, homosexuals, and the elite academics. Never in history has anyone been able to point to a group like this with so much blame for ruining the purity of national character!
The LoOOtING! tHe rIOtiNg!!! The lOooooOtInG!!! OMG the LoOOoTiNG!!!
We understand that this list might not have quite enough comments for you—after all, if you’re the typical right-wing troll, you probably want at least half of the comments under your friend’s post to be yours—you’re a one-woman ratio machine! But since the comments above can be interchangeably applied as rebuttals to anything a liberal says, this list should still serve its purpose. At least this gives you one alternative to the time-consuming practice of individually rebutting every single comment you find morally and politically offensive.
So hopefully with this handy list, you can just comment once at the beginning of the topic, and once at the end. Although, I suppose if you wanted to be a real friend instead of a troll you could just scroll on by and not post anything on your friend’s page at all, understanding that no one has ever changed their minds about politics based on a Facebook debate….or perhaps if you wanted, you could leave just ONE respectful comment stating your disagreement for the record and referring friends to your personal page for additional information. Or, perhaps before posting multiple comments antagonizing your friend’s friends, you could ask your friend whether she thinks you’re providing appreciated point/counterpoint discourse or hijacking her page and turning it toxic…but if you did any of those things, you might actually be a decent friend instead of being a proper right-wing insufferable troll, and that’s what you live for, right?
*I’ll take “what racists say to ‘prove’ they’re not racists” for 200, Alex!
